Every 2KMT Review Ever PT.3!!!
Written by Bankers
I have watched Russell Westbrook since I was in the womb. And I mean in the womb. I installed a little TV in there, got Wi-Fi, and I was set. I remember listening to Russell get drafted (I couldn't watch because my eyes were stuck shut, its baby problems.) I remember hearing his first game (still shut). And when I popped in the ER, I wasn't crying for the reason most babies were, I was crying because it was 98-97 in the 4th quarter with 20 seconds left and Russ had the ball. I missed it. Anyway as an infant I spent many hours glued to the TV, and since my eyes were open now I could finally see him in person. Fast forward to third grade. I remember taping my phone to the back of an unsuspecting girl and watching him live. I remember dissing a Steph Curry fan in 5th grade who said that Steph was the best. And when he was announced MVP I was in my Russell Westbrook themed room sh*tting myself on my Russell Westbrook bed. Anyway enough with the backstory lets get into the review.
Bought for: I told Ronnie he would have to give me the card or I would strangle him personally. Its the best way to make sure you dont have to use bullsh*t locker codes.
- Inside scoring: Russell Westbrook will bully his way through the defense, your uncle, your brother, your mom and whoever else is trying to stop him for a reverse windmill 360 mega hop dunk and will posterize the defender straight into the nether world.
- His dribble moves are godly. He will break ankles, necks, spines, feet, skulls, and much more with his nasty handles.
- Passing: Russell Westbrook can DROP DIMES. HE will throw it through people's legs, above their heads, or open up a wormhole, send it through time and space to send it to the open man.
- Rebounding: Russell Westbrooks vertical is insane. I heard that he trains with Super Mario and that's where he learned to jump that high. However he does it, whenever he is within a square mile of the ball you know he will grab the rebound with his sticky hands.
- Intimidation: Since he is always yelling, players get scared of him and run away. Very slowly, look at the card and see his face. Just remember it is an image made of pixels, not him. Do not get scared. The first time I looked, I sh*t brix. But now about 50% of the time I can do it without hiding in my closet with Barney the teddy bear and my baby blanket.
- Steals: He will punch the other player in the nuts so fast the ref will not see and then score the ball.
- Missing: Sometimes when I am up 45924204385 squared to 0 I want to let my opponent back into the game, I try to miss with Russell but I swish it from full court and they quit.
Recommended Strategy: Whatever you want. Drive and posterize the sorry defender straight through to ground to China, or pull up from full court and swish it while celebrating, your choice.
Other Comments: Here are his stats. 42000000000 points per game, 66666 assists, 6969696969 rebounds, 21 steals, Google Plex blocks, and -124o1241i421 turnovers. I recommend not using him in real games that you want to finish, because every single time the oppenent will quit.
Use if: "You want an athletic playmaking scoring rebounding ankle breaking dunking flying laser shooting blazing screaming player who can play every position. Don't use if: You want to lose or like Kevin Durant.
Bottom Line: He is very good and I like him
Please check out my Pt. 2 on Gordon Hayward, my one on Kevin Durant, and my Pt. 1 on LeBron got deleted.