James Harden pinkdiamond card
96 92 90 89 85 83

James Harden

Moments / Rockets Moments


General information

Theme
Moments
Position
SG / PG
Salary
899
Height
6'5" (195cm)
Weight
220lbs (99kg)
Age
28
Nickname
The Beard
Plays
P&R Point Handoff Isolation Guard Post Up

Prices

?????
Not checked yet
?????
Not checked yet

Hot Zones

Badges

0
0
11
12
James Harden pinkdiamond card

Outside Shooting

  • 88 Shoot
  • 55 Shot close
  • 30 Shot mid
  • 75 Shot three
  • 66 Contested jumper mid
  • 30 Contested jumper three
  • 50 Stepback jumper mid
  • 55 Stepback jumper three
  • 35 Spin jumper
  • 22 Step through shot
  • 0 Under basket shot
  • 18 Pull up in transition

Layups

  • 15 Standing layup
  • 95 Driving layup
  • 70 Hop step layup
  • 99 Euro step layup
  • 60 Floater
  • 45 Use glass

Dunking

  • 40 Standing dunk
  • 100 Driving dunk
  • 100 Flashy dunk
  • 0 Alley-oop
  • 15 Putback dunk
  • 0 Crash

Setup

  • 80 Triple threat pump
  • 80 Triple threat jab
  • 5 Triple threat idle
  • 75 Triple threat shoot
  • 25 Setup sizeup
  • 50 Setup hesitation

Driving

  • 45 Drive
  • 50 Drive right vs. left
  • 40 Drive crossover
  • 45 Drive spin
  • 99 Drive stepback
  • 25 Drive half spin
  • 35 Drive double cross.
  • 25 Drive behind back
  • 35 Drive hesitation
  • 25 Drive in and out
  • 80 No dribble move
  • 90 Attack strong
  • 70 Dish to open man

Passing

  • 25 Flashy pass
  • 75 Alley-oop pass

Posting Up

  • 8 Post up
  • 15 Post back down
  • 10 Post aggr. backd.
  • 35 Post face up
  • 0 Post spin
  • 25 Post drive
  • 0 Post drop step
  • 0 Post hop step
  • 20 Roll vs. pop

Post Shooting

  • 75 Shoot from post
  • 11 Post hook left
  • 3 Post hook right
  • 18 Post fade left
  • 11 Post fade right
  • 0 Post shimmy shot
  • 15 Post hop shot
  • 65 Post stepback shot
  • 0 Post up and under

Defending

  • 53 On-ball steal
  • 69 Pass interception
  • 64 Contest shot
  • 22 Block shot
  • 35 Take charge
  • 49 Foul
  • 30 Hard foul

Comments Sort by

  • 127

    first moment PD card in history

    80

    3 months later
    *James Harden proceeds to get 75 points*
    2k is screwed

    Show 33 replies...
    63

    no prob, they'll create a new type of card

    I suggest orange diamond for 100+ overall cards

    8

    I suggest a white card for 100 overall cards

    18

    If James Harden gets 75 points, 2k just gonna release a 99 pd again and be like

    ERMAHGERD GUYS PACK ODDS ARE JUICE BUY SOME VC

    and then advertise their VC sale everywhere.

    7

    they gonna replace our weaver traffic school billboard with their vc ads

    1

    even though the pack odds wont be juiced and the SALE is just a scam to buy more VC for 2k

    0

    pack odds were actually juiced today lmao

    0

    like they aren't already...

    0

    Like how they had the 25% thing everywhere even in your home.

    0

    thats too similar to diamond

    0

    But with that shouldn't Kobe, and Wilt have them for their 81 and 100

    0

    I suggest Poudretteite's for 100 overall (the rarest gem I think)

    1

    Poudretteite looks like a PD

    0

    rarest diamond is red diamond

    0

    nvm Alexandrite's or Painite's are

    0

    i suggest a new gem card called a pink star diamond it's the most valuable gem on eartg

    7

    They'll just make it pullable for a few more days I like it.

    0

    theyll put it back into packs. they dont want it to be less than 200k

    2

    What they should do is every time he scores over 45 he is ppullable for 2 more days

    0

    exactly.

    1

    What if they make him pullable after every game for X amount of Minutes. With X = how many points scored!

    0

    if only 2k was that creative

    1
    2

    what about a platinum card

    0

    That would be like NBA Live Mobile though

    1

    They should just make a pd chris paul and give them a dynamic duo if that happens lol.

    0

    yea bruh, I was thinking bout somethin like that. Def possible he puts up another beast af game, not probable that he tops this but ya never know.
    Tf they gonna do? Just give him 99's across the board..?

    0

    how about when he gets mvp... another pink diamond?

    0

    they would re release this since its only out for 48 hours

    0

    do 100 overall 2k did something that never happened before why not do it again

    0

    doesn't even need a single badge unless some dumbass wants to run him at center.

    -1

    Or Wins MVP

    16

    The 90 defense...

    Show 2 replies...
    9

    4 steals I guess!

    0

    98 steal tho...

    Show 13 more replies...
    6

    @kadinho Harden has the most total stats in the games.
    Harden has the 2nd most hall of fame badges. O'Neal 1st
    He is not the best defender, so that means his offense is god like. Highest offensive stats ever.
    He has 95 lateral quickness with 98 steals.

    5

    the game is officially broken

    3

    GOAT MOMENTS CARD

    1

    im genuinely afraid of seeing this card

    1

    in fact the best card in history

    0

    https://www.bplans.com/movie_theater_restaurant_business_plan/management_summary_fc.php

    0

    so is this gonna be in packs?

    0

    Does WB's MVP card last year count?

    Show 3 replies...
    0

    That card was locked code
    Two different things

    0

    Is he out for the year or some shit?

    Show 4 replies...
    5

    No, they gae him the card because he got the first ever 60 point triple double

    1

    gave*

    -1

    he's talking abt if harden will be in packs all year.

    1

    Only 48 hours

    -2

    And probably the only

    Show 1 reply...
    8

    What are you talkin bout boy 2k gotta feed there families even Joakim Noah gonna have a moments PD by the time 2k19 comes out.

    -16

    undeserved

    Show 12 replies...
    3

    he got the first 60 point triple double. thats definitely pd worthy imo. they gotta inflate his rating to get to 99 somehow

    -1

    Ain't better than Kawhi Leonard
    Kawhi > Har_en

    1

    No wonder you got -51 dislikes

    0

    once kawhi plays in 2 straight games this season, i'll at least consider him

    0

    Yo didnt i see u from youtube. That dude with the dirk pic

    1

    u a retard if u think that

    0

    You got that right, would not be a 99 without the over-rated defense. 10 rebounds? Should be 87 rebounding, playmaking is fine but that rebounding, and that fucking horrible defense should be rated lower than this.

    -2

    Do you watch basketball? Or just not understand what 4 steals and one block is?

    1

    Yes of course I watch basketball dumbass, 4 steals and a block does not always mean good defense.

    -3

    could not agree more.

    0

    bought for 10k yestday

  • 36

    [Deleted]

    0

    good shit my nigga

    Show 4 more replies...
    0

    um..... i dont get what that means but im just gonna like ur comment

    Show 2 replies...
    0

    James Harden is bad at defense

    0

    Your back!!!!

  • 35

    This card is frightening.

    0

    [Deleted]

  • 22

    60 point triple double, this is my MVP fo sho

    -9

    Westbrook had a 57 point triple double and every on was still saying James harden

    Show 5 replies...
    12

    Team record and lack efficiency drag Westbrook down.

    -1

    westbrook is a statpadder

    0

    All I’m saying he’s he didn’t get a moments card like this oh and btw he shot over 60% for the game

    0

    I didn't talk about his shooting percentage. I'm talking about his statpadding.

    -2

    It was for jerky jerky sry it glitched

    -10

    Ain't better than Kawhi Leonard
    Kawhi > Har_en

    Show 2 replies...
  • 19

    Tendencies
    100 Driving dunk
    100 Flashy dunk

    WTF???
    Thats not Harden 2k.......

    20

    its not harden, its the beard...

  • 17

    mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

  • 12

    3 letters
    MVP

    1

    Manly Ventriloquist Penguin

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    Most Violinists Poop

  • 10

    lmao what are they gonna do if he wins all star mvp tho :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD;O<><><><>>#!?

    3

    Max 99 all hof badges?

    0

    HOF fame Defensive stopper
    HOF Pick Pocket
    HOF Pick Dodger
    With 90+ defense
    Every offensive stat except post hook and standing dunk 99

  • 8

    [Deleted]

    1

    so you don't think they are going to do anything about it?

    Show 3 replies...
    0

    nope, the thing is nothing cant be done.

    0

    Any dynamic duos update?

    0

    Thank you for the response. That really sucks... it is going to mess a lot of things up

    0

    Do you know they think to do something about it? OR are you sure nothings gonna change?

    Show 2 replies...
    0

    Nothing cant be done about it. That is the beauty of it.

    0

    Air_Jordan Do you think they gonna raise His Salary cap to 3000-4000 for the next round of supermax?

    Show 1 more reply...
    0

    i got 4 lmao. 2k messed up like usual

    Show 2 replies...
    1

    Lol maybe somebody was mad and did it on purpose. Glad that you got some.

    1

    lol maybe! Thanks bro

  • 6

    how the heck we are supposed to play (please note: TO PLAY, not "to win") against a James Harden with those defensive stats...?

    this game is becoming pure gambling and we're still in early february

  • 6

    99 THICKUMS
    99 CHEEKS
    99 THIGHS

    0

    if there was A 99 Card on me it would be 99 Dick

  • 3

    this card legitimately scares me to look at.

  • 3

    If somebody can explain why his dunking is so high and why his 3 ball went up after shooting 5/14 from 3??? I mean I think he deserved a 98 moments but this is honestly a little undeserved, even after that crazy performance. He's only made 11 (ELEVEN. THAT'S IT) dunks in 42 games and 1,517 minutes this season. That's minuscule compared to even the average starting SG in the league, like I don't see Tim Hardaway Jr. getting a 98 driving and 95 contact, but he's made 13 dunks (2 more than Harden) in 29 games (13 less than Harden). It just doesn't make sense why they make a guy who doesn't dunk on people have one of the best dunk ratings in the game. SMH 2K.

  • 2

    Caldy #2 with dem arms

  • 2

    2K IS ALWAYS ON HARDENS PENIS... we all know if westbrook dropped these stats they would give him a 98 MAX

    16

    Well they can't be on Westbrook's penis because that seat is already taken by you.

    Show 2 replies...
    3

    lol that was good one

    1

    ummm maybe it's because russ doesn't have a diamond moments card yet

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    if this happened last year then

    Show 2 more replies...
    1

    WATCH HIM STILL NOT GET MVP

    0

    even though westbrook got two diamonds and 1 pink diamond last year

  • 2

    WTF on ps4 there is like a million up! i just picked one up for 48k ahhhhh

    0

    Yeah its the same way on xbox. shocker 2k messed up again

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    I was very unlucky as I was asleep when the glitch happened. I did get one for 190K when i woke up. Cost a lot more than earlier but still good considering his price was at 300k 40 mins later.

  • 1

    We need a card over 99, too many 95 plus!

  • 1

    So warp sniped this for 100K yesterday.

  • 1

    I remember when I didn’t have to play this beast , now he is everywhere

  • 1

    If this ain't carrying I don't know what is

  • 1

    He better get MVP

  • 1

    Was my pick for MVP before the season

  • 1

    This card is op

  • 1

    It's over, ladies and gentleman, it's over

  • 1

    Well, uh, this card, is ummm....Amazing

  • 1

    Never seen so many green stats in my life

  • 1

    He'll be splashing 3s from deep with those 3pt stats

  • 1

    Who wants to make a prediction of how much this card would cost

  • 1

    Called it. 60 Point TD with 11 assists, 10 rebounds, and 4 steals. Plus the fact that he already has a 96 Diamond Moments? 2k would have been straight wildin out if they haven't given this man a PD Moments. Truly deserved. Great card for a great player.

  • 1

    This is the best card in MyTeam HISTORY. Better than any year of PD Jordan or Kobe.

    7

    not even close, bro

    ONLY in 2K17:

    > diamond Magic = 4302 total attributes

    > pink diamond MJ = 4350 total

    > pd Barkley = 4397

    shall I continue?

    4219 is indeed amazing but waaaay far from the best ever

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    I think this card is better than any in 17', but I'd still rather take AS Magic from 2K16 just because cards in general weren't as OP back then.

    3

    stats-wise yes, but id argue diamond magic last year was better. Can't teach height

  • 1

    Jesus is that u?

  • 1

    RIP my hopes of getting pink diamond in supermax

  • 1

    how much he going 4?

    0

    I'm on PS4. I bought him for 270K over the weekend.

  • 1

    When you get a 60 point triple double against the Magic while wearing the black jerseys but your card is against the kings with a white jersey...

  • 1

    The only way to make this card better is to enlarge the in-game beard by 78%. Then, and only then, would this card be the ULTIMATE cheese. #MakeHarden'sBeardLongAgain

  • 1

    A world, where James Harden has more defense than Pistons' Isiah Thomas.

  • 1

    This card is actually so broken. People gonna be actually dropping 60-11-10

  • 1

    after his 60 point triple-double they had to give him a moments pink diamond

  • 0

    Anyone got the Harden 2's yet tho? They are fire

  • 0

    DA BEARD

  • 0

    Harden deserves a Pink Diamond after dropping the first 60 point triple double in NBA History. Not only that he's well on his way to being MVP this season

  • 0

    By far that's the best Card in game.I pulled 11 of of them LOVE THIS CARD

    0

    no way you pulled 11 lol, if you actually did ill straight up pay you for one

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    You must not know

  • 0

    His stats are amazing

  • 0

    The reason he don’t play defense is because of this
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMsVLlfSV0k











    He also has 90 denfence

  • 0

    THE BEAAARRRRDDD!!!!!

  • 0

    This is utterly disgusting. (in a good way, James Harden is a beast)

  • 0

    Finally gotton win mvp

  • 0

    Well deserved

  • 0

    when you see all of the trades in the nba

  • 0

    Best card in the game, holy shit.

  • 0

    A fantastic game by the future MVP. This card is A BEAST

  • 0

    I understand there's a LeBron argument, but c'mon .Please don't jip this man of MVP.

  • 0

    What the hell is the point of having the salary cap if they keep releasing OP cards with 400 salary... Wasn't it put in to have you strategically place players in your lineup? Not just load a bunch of 96 overalls into a team

  • 0

    reason for card 60 points 10 rebounds 11 astists most post in rockets history

  • 0
  • 0

    well how no more harden cards what now

  • 0

    3 Letters.






    M
    V
    P

    0

    three letter

    fuck off

  • 0

    when you drop 60

  • 0

    When your intangibles are 40 and you're still a 99.

  • 0

    harden looking at that 90 defense like

  • 0

    Mark my words. It’s not even February and this is the best PG that we will see all year. How can it even get better?

  • 0

    Who knows the pink diamond market price in Australia or USA now, hope for reply

    0

    He goes for 300K on Xbox. Glitch happened about 40 hours ago, about 36 hours ago there was about 250 up, and now theres about 30 up.

    Show 1 reply...
    0

    Thanks man, it’s PD harden still in packs? If so, which pack he is in

  • 0

    Oh boy, another card I'm not gonna get!!!!

    0

    He’s a moments player my guy, meaning you actually have a chance too and he’s not limited.

  • 0
  • 0

    um are u kidding me what did he do to deserve this THAT SHOULD BE CURRIES 99 SMH

  • 0
  • 0

    It's fake

  • 0

    he got the "hardened" badge too

  • 0

    PD Moments when will they drop a 101?

  • 0

    *Sees this card in somones starting 5 b4 game

    GG my life.

  • 0

    The GOAT of the Rockets...

    And in the future, the GOAT of the league.

  • 0

    im scared of this card

  • 0

    It keeps on getting worse for The Magic.

  • 0

    When u realize that u might make the finals

  • 0

    Is this April?

  • 0

    Prices of moments cards will drop harder than the bass in this compilation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBI4H0Allz8

  • 0

    James harden is #fire

  • 0

    does anybody know if he is released on the switch too? there are none in the auction house

  • 0

    What are the magic gonna do next? Allow a 63 point triple double?

  • 0

    This card is amazing to use in the game its self 52pts 12ast 8reb 3blk just beast

  • 0

    I love how this is the first pd card in hisory and they didnt even give him the defensive stopper badge

  • 0

    i love you hardennnnnnnnnnnn

  • 0

    Looks like they gave him the MVP card early this year

  • 0

    Man I want this card.

  • 0

    FEAR THE BEARD!!!!!!!!!!

  • 0
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

    The most valuble gem would be red diamond/ would that be the 100+ cards?

  • 0

    35 standing dunk? Probably the worst card of all-time.











    Sorry for the bad joke. :/

  • 0

    not surprised this card exists

  • 0

    What they do when he wins the Regular Season MVP scares me...

  • 0

    Update the site wth. I wanna see my boy Jokic stats

  • 0

    How come I cant find him in AH or in Rockets Moment section...??

  • 0

    When you eat cheese!

  • 0

    James Harden might be; the All Star Game MVP, Regular season MVP and even the Finals MVP. So by the end of the year, he might have 4 PINK DIAMONDS

  • 0

    2k glitched the packs, now he's in nearly every team.
    2k are a disgrace.

    0

    Hi man, which pack can get PD harden, it’s still there?

    0
  • 0

    Ok..... Thats dope

  • 0

    With cards like this one, this game is less fun to play everyday. This is just for those who spends hundreds or thousand but have no clue how to run a play, how to defend.... they just know how to press turbo and square to get the easy dunk... but if you want to run a play, post up or something close to what real basketball is, then the game makes it SO MUCH HARDER to score, is sad and pathetic.

  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

    Its best card in the game by far ... i got diamond harden and scoring like 25-30 pts per every superMax game

  • 0

    fck he can defend now hahaha GG

  • 0

    Being a Magic fan is one of the most depressing things possible in the NBA

  • 0
  • 0

    The fact it’s in moments packs and not limited is a major W

  • 0

    there is no doubt he will win 2018 MVP of the Year

  • 0

    The pink diamond cards keep coming

  • 0

    2k is dumb. What's he gonna get if he wins MVP? I guess they'll put out locker codes or something, but that's dumb.

  • 0
  • 0

    Does this mean PD cards will be cheaper cuz of PD moments? Not saying I'll be able to get any of em...but just wondering

  • 0

    I GOT HIM BITCHES

  • 0

    No Harden step back badge? That shit deadly

  • 0

    Defense stats are too high. Even though he is a PD, he should have like forty five for all of the defensive stats.

    -1

    I agree. But maybe a little too generous on his stats. Like 25.

  • 0

    When You know next week your gonna drop 70 quadruple and be the first 100 ovr

  • 0

    Silly 2k now what happen’s if Harden has an even better game?

    Silly 2k tricks are for kids

  • 0

    James Edward Harden Jr. (born August 26, 1989) is an American professional basketball player for the Houston Rockets of the National Basketball Association (NBA). Harden played college basketball for Arizona State, where he was named a consensus All-American and Pac-10 Player of the Year in 2009. Harden was selected with the third overall pick in the 2009 NBA draft by the Oklahoma City Thunder.[1] In 2012, he was named NBA Sixth Man of the Year with the Thunder and helped the team reach the NBA Finals.

    Harden was traded to Houston prior to the 2012–13 NBA season. Upon joining the Rockets, Harden became one of the NBA's most prolific scorers and earned recognition as the best shooting guard in the NBA,[2][3] as well as one of the top overall players in the league.[4] He has earned All-Star nods six times, and has earned All-NBA Team honors four times as well – once to the All-NBA Third Team (2013) and three times to the All-NBA First Team (2014, 2015 and 2017). In 2015, Harden was named MVP at the National Basketball Players Association's first annual Players Awards, being voted by his peers as the league's most valuable player.[5]

    Harden is a two-time member of the United States national basketball team, winning gold medals in both the 2012 Summer Olympics and 2014 FIBA World Cup.

    Contents [hide]
    1 High school career
    2 College career
    2.1 College statistics
    3 NBA career
    3.1 Oklahoma City Thunder (2009–2012)
    3.2 Houston Rockets (2012–present)
    3.2.1 2012–13 season
    3.2.2 2013–14 season
    3.2.3 2014–15 season
    3.2.4 2015–16 season
    3.2.5 2016–17 season
    3.2.6 2017–18 season
    4 Player profile
    5 National team career
    6 NBA career statistics
    6.1 Regular season
    6.2 Playoffs
    7 Personal life
    8 See also
    9 References
    10 External links
    High school career
    Harden attended Artesia High School in Lakewood, California. In his sophomore year, he averaged 13.2 points as Artesia went 28–5. He improved his stats to 18.8 points, 7.7 boards and 3.5 assists in his junior season and led Artesia to the California state title and a 33–1 record. Artesia repeated as state champions in Harden's final year after going 33–2. Harden had similar stats as during the previous season: 18.8 points, 7.9 rebounds, and 3.9 assists. He was named a McDonald's All-American, and also earned second-team Parade All-American honors.

    He also helped his AAU team, Pump-N-Run Elite, to the 2006 Las Vegas Adidas Super 64 championship.[6] Harden had 34 points in the victory over a DC Assault team which included Michael Beasley, Nolan Smith and Austin Freeman. In the game against Houston Hoops, played on the same day, Harden had 33 points. In the final, Pump-N-Run Elite beat Kevin Love's Southern California All-Stars.

    College career
    Arizona State


    Left: Harden makes contact with Alfred Aboya inside; Right: Harden contesting a jump shot on defense
    Entering Harden's freshman campaign, Arizona State was picked to finish ninth in the Pac-10 Conference.[7] Behind Harden's 17.8 points, 5.3 rebounds and 3.2 assists per game, the Sun Devils went 21–13 (9–9) and finished tied for fifth in the Pac-10. They were considered a bubble team for the 2008 NCAA Tournament. Left out of the NCAA tournament, they were selected to the 2008 NIT field and defeated Alabama State and Southern Illinois before falling to defending national champion Florida.

    After his freshman year, Harden was named first team All-Pac-10 and was named to the conference all-freshman team.[8] Harden was also named first team All-District by the NABC and the USBWA.

    Entering his sophomore year, Harden appeared on many pre-season All-American lists and appeared on the cover of the Sports Illustrated college basketball preview issue. He was named to the Wooden Award preseason watch list.[9] On November 30, 2008, Harden scored a career-high 40 points in an 88–58 victory over UTEP.[10]

    Harden finished his sophomore campaign with averages of 20.1 points, 5.6 rebounds, and 4.2 assists. He was named to the 2009 All-Pac 10 Tournament Team following Arizona State's defeat by USC at the Staples Center.[11] Following the conference season, Harden was named the Pacific-10 Conference's Player of the Year.[12] He was also named a consensus All-American. After the conclusion of the season (a second-round NCAA tournament loss to Syracuse), Harden declared for the 2009 NBA draft.[13] He employed Rob Pelinka as his agent.[14]

    College statistics
    Year Team GP GS MPG FG% 3P% FT% RPG APG SPG BPG PPG
    2007–08 Arizona State 34 33 34.1 .527 .407 .754 5.3 3.2 2.1 .6 17.8
    2008–09 Arizona State 35 35 35.8 .489 .356 .756 5.6 4.2 1.7 .3 20.1
    NBA career
    Oklahoma City Thunder (2009–2012)

    Harden with the Thunder in March 2010
    Harden was selected with the third overall pick in the 2009 NBA draft by the Oklahoma City Thunder. He recorded the fourth highest 3-point percentage in NBA history (.375) for a player under the age of 21 (min. of 150 attempts) during the 2009–10 season. He connected on seven straight 3-point field goals over two games (November 18 and November 20),[15] recording the most consecutive 3-point makes by a rookie since Houston guard Michael Dickerson made eight straight in May 1999.[16] He posted a season-high 26 points against the Golden State Warriors on December 7, 2009. He was subsequently named to the NBA All-Rookie Second Team. During the 2010–11 season, he scored 10-plus points on 54 occasions, including a season-high 26 points against the Phoenix Suns on March 6, 2011. Harden averaged 16.8 points, 4.1 rebounds and 3.7 assists in 62 games (two starts) during the 2011–12 season, as he received the NBA Sixth Man of the Year Award.[17] He scored in double-figures in all but four of his appearances during the season. He scored a season-high 40 points against Phoenix on April 18, 2012, becoming the first NBA player in a reserve role to score 40 points since Dallas guard Rodrigue Beaubois in March 2010.[16] Harden helped the Thunder reach the 2012 NBA Finals, where they were defeated in five games by the Miami Heat.

    During the 2012 free agency period, Oklahoma City attempted to sign Harden to a four-year contract extension worth between $52 and $55 million.[18][19] Harden later contended that he was given too little time to consider the offer.[20]

    Houston Rockets (2012–present)
    2012–13 season

    Harden (left) and Kevin Durant during the 2013 NBA playoffs.
    After failing to agree on a contract extension with the Thunder, Harden was traded to the Houston Rockets on October 27, 2012, along with Daequan Cook, Cole Aldrich and Lazar Hayward, in exchange for Kevin Martin, Jeremy Lamb, two first round picks, and a second round pick.[19] Rockets general manager Daryl Morey called Harden a "foundational" player and expected him to be Houston's featured player despite previously only playing a supporting role behind Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.[21] On October 31, 2012, Harden signed a contract extension with the Rockets for five years worth $80 million.[22] That same day, he became the first-ever NBA player to score 37 or more points while registering a double-digit assist total in his team debut, posting 37 points, a career-high 12 assists, six rebounds, four steals and one block in a 105–96 win over the Detroit Pistons. He became just the fourth NBA player in the last 25 years to post those totals in a single game and matched the third-highest point total for any NBA player in his team debut (most for Rockets debut). Two days later, he scored 45 points against the Atlanta Hawks. His 82 total points were the most scored by a player in his first two games with a team in NBA history, surpassing the previous mark held by Wilt Chamberlain, who scored 79 points in his first two career games with the Philadelphia Warriors in 1959.[16] He registered the first triple-double of his career on February 2, 2013 against the Charlotte Bobcats, recording 21 points, 11 rebounds and 11 assists.[23] Harden was named as a reserve for the 2013 NBA All-Star Game, marking his first All-Star selection. He recorded 15 points, six rebounds and three assists in a 143–138 win by the West over the East.[16] On February 20, 2013, Harden scored a career-high 46 points in a 122–119 win over his former team, the Oklahoma City Thunder.[24]

    Harden had one of the greatest statistical seasons in team history in his first campaign with Houston.[16] He averaged 25.9 points (fifth-best in the NBA), 4.9 rebounds and 5.8 assists in 78 games (all starts), becoming just the fifth player in team history to reach 2,000 points in one campaign (2,023 points). He surpassed Moses Malone's team mark for free throws made in a season (630 FTM in 1981–82), joining Malone as the only two Rockets players to ever reach 600 free throws made in a single season. Harden joined Gilbert Arenas (2005–06 and 2006–07), Kobe Bryant (2005–06 and 2007–08) and Jerry Stackhouse (2000–01) as the only four players in NBA history to record at least 600 free throws made and hit 150 or more 3-pointers in one season. Harden joined Tracy McGrady (four times in 2004–05) and Hakeem Olajuwon (three times in 1992–93) as the only Rockets to ever capture Player of the Week honors three or more times in one season.[16] He was named to the 2012-13 All-NBA Third Team, marking his first career All-NBA Team selection while becoming just the seventh player in Rockets history to earn All-NBA recognition.[16]

    2013–14 season
    Harden was selected by the head coaches as a reserve for the 2014 NBA All-Star Game, which marked his second consecutive All-Star selection. He was later named as a replacement starter for the All-Star Game, where he recorded eight points, five assists, one rebound and one steal in 23:46 of action. He was twice named Western Conference Player of the Week during the season, both coming in consecutive weeks (February 24–March 2; March 3–9). He became the first Rockets player ever to pick up Player of the Week honors in consecutive weeks in the same season. On December 26, 2013 against the Memphis Grizzlies, Harden became the first player in NBA history to register at least 27 points on two or fewer field goals made (2-9 FG), finishing with a career-best 22-of-25 from the stripe and tying the Rockets single-game record for free throws made (22-27 FT by Sleepy Floyd in February 1991). On February 5, 2014 against the Phoenix Suns, Harden played in his 120th game with Houston, scoring 23 points on 12-for-12 from the foul line to become just the third player to score at least 3,000 points in his first 120 games played with the Rockets, joining Elvin Hayes (3,320) and Tracy McGrady (3,056).[16] On February 25, 2014, he scored a season-high 43 points in a 129–103 win over the Sacramento Kings.[25] At the season's end, he earned All-NBA First Team honors.[26]

    2014–15 season
    Over the first two months of the season, Harden was in MVP contention.[27] On December 11, 2014, he scored a season-high 44 points in a 113–109 overtime win over the Sacramento Kings.[28] On December 13, 2014, he recorded his third career triple-double with 24 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds in a 108–96 win over the Denver Nuggets.[29] On December 22, 2014, he tied his season high with 44 points in a 110–95 win over the Portland Trail Blazers.[30]

    On January 19, 2015, Harden set a new season high with 45 points against the Indiana Pacers.[31] He tied that mark with 45 points against the Trail Blazers on February 8, 2015.[31] On February 23, 2015, he recorded his second triple-double of the season with 31 points, 11 rebounds and 10 assists in a 113–102 win over the Minnesota Timberwolves.[32] On March 6, 2015, he recorded his third triple-double of the season with 38 points, 12 rebounds and 12 assists in a 103–93 win over the Detroit Pistons.[33] On March 19, 2015, he scored a career-high 50 points against the Denver Nuggets.[31] He topped that mark with 51 points against the Kings on April 1, 2015.[31] It was his 33rd 30-point game of the season and his ninth 40-point game of the season. He became the first player in franchise history to have two 50-point games in a season.[34] Four days later, he had 41 points against the Oklahoma City Thunder for his 10th 40-point game of the season.[31] In the Rockets' regular season finale on April 15, Harden recorded his fourth triple-double of the season with 16 points, 11 rebounds and 10 assists in a 117–91 win over the Utah Jazz. He helped the Rockets win their first division title since 1994 and clinched the No. 2 seed in the Western Conference.[35] Harden was again named to the All-NBA First Team,[36] and finished second in the NBA MVP voting behind Stephen Curry.[37] Harden was later voted the inaugural National Basketball Players Association's MVP for the 2014–15 season.[38]

    In Game 5 of the Rockets' second round playoff series against the Los Angeles Clippers, Harden recorded his first career playoff triple-double with 26 points, 11 rebounds and 10 assists.[39] In Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals against the Golden State Warriors, Harden scored a playoff career-high 45 points.[40] In Game 5 of the Western Conference Finals, Harden had a forgettable finale, with a playoff-record 13 turnovers and 14 points on 2-of-11 shooting.[41]

    2015–16 season
    Harden scored 43 points against the Sacramento Kings on November 6, followed by 46 points against the Los Angeles Clippers the next night. He subsequently became the first Rocket to score 43-plus points in consecutive games since Moses Malone had two streaks of three games doing so during the 1981–82 season.[42] On November 18, head coach Kevin McHale was fired after the Rockets began the season with a 4–7 record. Later that night, Harden scored 45 points in a 108–103 overtime win over the Portland Trail Blazers.[43] On November 27, he scored 50 points in a 116–114 win over the Philadelphia 76ers. Harden was 14 for 28 from the field and 16 for 20 at the line in his third career game with 50 or more points.[44] On January 20, Harden had his first triple-double of the season and seventh of his career with 33 points, a career-high 17 rebounds and 14 assists in a 123–114 loss to the Detroit Pistons. He became the first player to have at least 33 points, 17 rebounds and 14 assists in a game since Wilt Chamberlain had 53 points, 32 rebounds and 14 assists for Philadelphia in March 1968.[45] On January 24, he recorded his second triple-double of the season with 23 points, 15 rebounds and 10 assists in a 115–104 win over the Dallas Mavericks.[46] On March 25, he recorded his third triple-double of the season with 32 points, 13 assists and 11 rebounds in a 112–109 win over the Toronto Raptors.[47] Harden finished March with 457 points, 152 assists and 102 rebounds, becoming the first player to record at least 450 points, 150 assists and 100 rebounds in a single month since Oscar Robertson did it in December 1967.[48] Harden finished the 2015–16 season with 374 turnovers,[49] besting Artis Gilmore's mark of 366 in 1977–78, the first season the NBA recorded turnovers.[50] Harden set career marks in points (29), assists (7.5) and rebounds (6.1) to join LeBron James, Michael Jordan and Oscar Robertson as the only players in NBA history to average at least 29 points, seven assists and six rebounds in a season.[51]

    2016–17 season

    Harden shoots over John Wall in November 2016
    On July 9, 2016, Harden signed a four-year, $118.1 million contract extension with the Rockets.[52][53] In September 2016, new Rockets head coach Mike D'Antoni announced that Harden would take on the point guard role to begin the 2016–17 season.[54][55] In the Rockets' season opener on October 26, Harden had 34 points, a career-high 17 assists and eight rebounds in a 120–114 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers,[56] becoming just the second player in NBA history to record at least 30 points and 15 assists in an opener—Tim Hardaway had 32 and 18 for the Golden State Warriors in 1990.[57] On December 14, he recorded 15 points, 14 assists and 11 rebounds in just three quarters to lead the Rockets to a 132–98 win over the Sacramento Kings. It was Harden's fifth triple-double of the season and the 14th of his career, tying him with Hakeem Olajuwon for most in franchise history.[58] He set the franchise record two days later with his sixth triple-double of the season and 15th of his career. In the Rockets' 122–110 win over the New Orleans Pelicans, Harden helped the team set an NBA-record with 24 three-pointers, as he finished with 29 points, 11 rebounds and 13 assists.[59] On December 23, he tied a career high with 17 assists in a 115–109 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies.[60] On December 30, he recorded his seventh triple-double of the season with 30 points, 13 rebounds and 10 assists in a 140–116 win over the Los Angeles Clippers.[61]


    Harden with the ball in a game against the Orlando Magic in January 2017
    On December 31, 2016, Harden recorded yet another triple-double with 53 points, 17 assists and 16 rebounds in a 129–122 win over the New York Knicks, becoming the first player in NBA history to finish with a 50-15-15 stat line.[62] He tied Wilt Chamberlain for the most points in a triple-double in NBA history—Chamberlain pulled the feat during the 1967–68 season, with 53 points, 32 rebounds and 14 assists. Harden set career highs for points and three-pointers (with nine) and matched his career best for assists. It was his 17th career triple-double and his fourth career 50-point game.[63] Two days later, he recorded his ninth triple-double of the season in a win over the Washington Wizards[64] and was named Western Conference Player of the Week for a third time.[65] It was Harden's 12th Player of the Week honor, matching Hakeem Olajuwon for the most Player of the Week awards in franchise history.[64] Harden's career-best December run earned him Western Conference Player of the Month honors.[66] His 10th and 11th triple-doubles came in back-to-back games on January 8 and January 10, both resulting in wins.[67][68] His two performances saw him become the fourth player in NBA history with at least 40 points, 10 rebounds and 10 assists in consecutive games—Pete Maravich, Michael Jordan and Russell Westbrook are the three others to do it.[68] His 12th and 13th triple-doubles came in back-to-back games on January 15 and January 17.[69][70] On January 27, he recorded his 14th triple-double of the season with 51 points, 13 rebounds and 13 assists in a 123–118 win over the Philadelphia 76ers,[71] becoming the first player in NBA history with multiple 50-point triple-doubles in a season.[72] On February 3 against the Chicago Bulls, Harden scored his 10,000th point as a Rocket, passing Yao Ming for sixth place in franchise history.[73] On February 11, he scored 40 points in three quarters (his ninth 40-point game of the season) to help the Rockets win 133–102 over the Phoenix Suns. He played just 29 minutes against the Suns to become the first Rockets player since Sleepy Floyd in 1991 to score 40 points in less than 30 minutes.[74] On February 15, he recorded his 15th triple-double of the season with 38 points 12 rebounds and 12 assists in a 117–109 loss to the Miami Heat.[75] Between March 12 and March 18, he had four straight triple-doubles, giving him 19 for the season.[76] He finished the regular season with 22 triple-doubles and became the first player in NBA history to finish the regular season with at least 2,000 points (2,356), 900 assists (907) and 600 rebounds (659).[77]

    In Game 5 of the Rockets' second round playoff series against the San Antonio Spurs, Harden recorded his second career postseason triple-double with 33 points, 10 rebounds and 10 assists in a 110–107 overtime loss; the loss saw the Rockets go down 3–2 in the series.[78] The Rockets were eliminated by the Spurs with a 114–75 loss in Game 6. Harden capped his stellar season by tying a season low with 10 points on 2-of-11 shooting before fouling out with 3:15 left.[79]

    2017–18 season
    On July 8, 2017, Harden signed a four-year contract extension with the Rockets for approximately $160 million,[80] giving him a total six-year deal with $228 million guaranteed—the richest contract in NBA history.[81] The deal will keep Harden the face of the Rockets through the 2022–23 season.[80] On November 5, he scored a career-high 56 points in a 137–110 win over the Utah Jazz, falling just shy of Calvin Murphy's 57-point franchise record set in 1978.[82] Harden joined Wilt Chamberlain as the only players in NBA history to have at least 10 assists and shoot better than 75 percent from the field in a 50-point performance.[82] On November 16, he had 23 of his 48 points in the second quarter while the Rockets scored 90 points in the first half en route to a 142–116 win over the Phoenix Suns. The Rockets made 61 percent of their first-half shots to get the second-most points in a first half in NBA history.[83] He went on to become the first player in team history to score at least 20 points in each of the team's first 20 games of a season.[84][85] Harden was named Western Conference Player of the Month for games played in October and November, marking the fifth time Harden has received the honor, all coming as a Rocket.[86] On December 9, he scored 48 points to help the Rockets rally from a 14-point, fourth-quarter deficit to beat the Portland Trail Blazers 124–117, scoring at least 20 points in each of Houston's 24 games, becoming only the second player to accomplish such a feat since the 1990–91 season.[87] On December 20, despite Harden's 51 points, the Rockets were defeated 122–116 by the Los Angeles Lakers, ending their 14-game winning streak. Harden set a franchise record by scoring at least 20 points in his 30th straight game. The previous record was held by Moses Malone, who did it in 29 straight games in the 1981–82 season.[88] Two days later, Harden had a second straight 51-point performance in a 128–118 loss to the Los Angeles Clippers. It was Harden's third 50-point game of the season and he became the first player in franchise history to have two straight 50-point games. He also became the first NBA player to score 50 or more in consecutive games since Kobe Bryant did so in four straight in March 2007.[89] On December 31 against the Lakers, Harden scored 40 points before leaving with a hamstring injury late in the fourth quarter. Without Harden, the Rockets won 148–142 in double overtime.[90] The following day, he was ruled out for two weeks with a Grade 2 hamstring strain.[91] He missed seven games as a result.[92] On January 26, he had 23 points and 11 assists in a 115–113 loss to the New Orleans Pelicans. Harden moved into second in Rockets history in assists with 3,347, passing Allen Leavell's 3,339.[93] On January 30, in a 114–107 win over the Orlando Magic, Harden became the first player in NBA history to score 60 points as part of a triple-double, finishing with 10 rebounds and 11 assists for his third triple-double of the season. Harden scored 18 points in the fourth quarter to eclipse the 57 points Calvin Murphy scored in 1978 to break Houston's single-game scoring record.[94] It was his fourth 50-point game of the season and bested his previous career high of 56 points set in November against Utah.[94]

    Player profile
    Standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall (1.96 m) and weighing 220 pounds (100 kg), Harden plays mostly at the shooting guard position. With season averages of over 26 points per game since the 2012–13 season, Harden is considered one of the most versatile and dangerous scorers in the NBA.[95] He possesses a wide array of offensive moves; two of the most prominent among them being his Euro step[96] and his step-back jumper.[97] He has also gained notoriety for his ability to exploit league rules in order to more efficiently draw fouls and get to the free throw line, from which he is a career 84.9% shooter. He has led the NBA in free throw attempts and makes every year since the 2014–15 season.[98][99] Though primarily a scorer, he is also known for his playmaking ability, orchestrating the Rockets' offense[100] with his elevated assist numbers. During the early portion of the 2016–17 season, Rockets head coach Mike D'Antoni played Harden at point guard,[54][55] which resulted in him averaging over 10 assists per game for the first time in his career.

    While he has garnered acclaim for his prowess on the offensive end, Harden has built a reputation as a poor defender. Criticism of his defense intensified in early 2014, when a video titled "James Harden: Defensive Juggernaut" featuring eleven minutes worth of clips of Harden conceding field goals, was circulated on the Internet.[101] During the 2014 offseason, he committed to an improvement on defense, which manifested as early as August of that year as a member of the United States men's national basketball team.[102] His improved defense carried over to the following season, and has been cited as a major reason for the Rockets' regular season success.[103] Another negative aspect of his game that is sometimes brought up by pundits are his turnovers. Harden set the NBA record for turnovers during the 2015–16 season and broke it again the following season.[104]

    National team career

    Harden with Team USA at the 2014 World Basketball Festival
    Harden was a member of the United States national team that won a gold medal at the 2012 Olympics, and was also a member of the team that won the FIBA Basketball World Cup in 2014. Harden was a candidate for the 2016 Olympics, but he withdrew from the team.

    NBA career statistics
    Legend
    GP Games played GS Games started MPG Minutes per game
    FG% Field goal percentage 3P% 3-point field goal percentage FT% Free throw percentage
    RPG Rebounds per game APG Assists per game SPG Steals per game
    BPG Blocks per game PPG Points per game Bold Career high
    * Led the league
    Regular season
    Year Team GP GS MPG FG% 3P% FT% RPG APG SPG BPG PPG
    2009–10 Oklahoma City 76 0 22.9 .403 .375 .808 3.2 1.8 1.1 .3 9.9
    2010–11 Oklahoma City 82 5 26.7 .436 .349 .843 3.1 2.1 1.1 .3 12.2
    2011–12 Oklahoma City 62 2 31.4 .491 .390 .846 4.1 3.7 1.0 .2 16.8
    2012–13 Houston 78 78 38.3 .438 .368 .851 4.9 5.8 1.8 .5 25.9
    2013–14 Houston 73 73 38.0 .456 .366 .866 4.7 6.1 1.6 .4 25.4
    2014–15 Houston 81 81 36.8 .440 .375 .868 5.7 7.0 1.9 .7 27.4
    2015–16 Houston 82 82 38.1* .439 .359 .860 6.1 7.5 1.7 .6 29.0
    2016–17 Houston 81 81 36.4 .440 .347 .847 8.1 11.2* 1.5 .5 29.1
    Career 615 402 33.6 .442 .364 .854 5.0 5.7 1.5 .4 22.1
    All-Star 5 3 25.6 .542 .489 .000 5.2 6.2 .6 .0 17.4
    Playoffs
    Year Team GP GS MPG FG% 3P% FT% RPG APG SPG BPG PPG
    2010 Oklahoma City 6 0 20.0 .387 .375 .842 2.5 1.8 1.0 .2 7.7
    2011 Oklahoma City 17 0 31.6 .475 .303 .825 5.4 3.6 1.2 .8 13.0
    2012 Oklahoma City 20 0 31.5 .435 .410 .857 5.1 3.4 1.6 .1 16.3
    2013 Houston 6 6 40.5 .391 .341 .803 6.7 4.5 2.0 1.0 26.3
    2014 Houston 6 6 43.8 .376 .296 .900 4.7 5.8 2.0 .2 26.8
    2015 Houston 17 17 37.4 .439 .383 .916 5.7 7.5 1.6 .4 27.2
    2016 Houston 5 5 38.6 .410 .310 .844 5.2 7.6 2.4 .2 26.6
    2017 Houston 11 11 37.0 .413 .278 .878 5.5 8.5 1.9 .5 28.5
    Career 88 45 34.4 .423 .335 .869 5.2 5.2 1.6 .4 20.7
    Personal life
    Harden is the youngest of three children. Before his birth, after that of his older sister, their mother suffered a string of miscarriages.[20]

    Harden is a Christian.[105][106] Harden has talked about his faith saying, "I just want to thank God for everything he has done in my life."[107]

    Harden started growing his trademark beard in 2009 after being too lazy to shave.[108] His beard has appeared in songs and on T-shirts.[109][110] The James Harden Illustrated project, by designer Filip Peraić, is about illustrating the bearded profile of James Harden in a variety of styles and techniques.[111]

    On August 3, 2015, the sports apparel company, Adidas, submitted an endorsement deal to Harden worth $200 million over the next 13 years.[112]

    See also
    List of career achievements by James Harden
    List of National Basketball Association career 3-point scoring leaders
    List of National Basketball Association career free throw scoring leaders
    Map of USA and Canada, NBA, zoom.svg National Basketball Association portal
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    ^ Jump up to: a b "Harden's triple-double leads Rockets to 9th straight win". ESPN.com. January 10, 2017. Retrieved January 10, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden's 12th triple-double helps Rockets end 2-game skid". ESPN.com. January 15, 2017. Retrieved January 15, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Dragic scores 21 and Heat stun Rockets, 109-103". ESPN.com. January 17, 2017. Retrieved January 17, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden scores 51 to lead Rockets past Joel Embiid, 76ers". ESPN.com. January 27, 2017. Retrieved January 27, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden posts another historic triple-double". NBA.com. January 27, 2017. Retrieved January 27, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden scores 42, rallies Rockets past Bulls 121-117 in OT". ESPN.com. February 3, 2017. Retrieved February 3, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden's 40 leads Rockets over Suns 133-102". ESPN.com. February 11, 2017. Retrieved February 12, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Whiteside helps Heat beat Rockets 117-109". ESPN.com. February 15, 2017. Retrieved February 16, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden 2016-17 Game Log". Basketball-Reference.com. Retrieved March 18, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden's triple-double helps Rockets over Wolves 123-118". ESPN.com. April 12, 2017. Retrieved April 13, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Spurs overcome Leonard injury, Harden to beat Rockets in OT". ESPN.com. May 9, 2017. Retrieved May 9, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Spurs rout James Harden, Rockets 114-75 to win series". ESPN.com. May 11, 2017. Retrieved May 11, 2017.
    ^ Jump up to: a b Blinebury, Fran (July 9, 2017). "James Harden's record contract extension lays groundwork for 'super team' In Houston". NBA.com. Retrieved July 12, 2017.
    Jump up ^ Krawczynski, Jon (July 8, 2017). "Houston Rockets sign James Harden to reported record contract extension". NBA.com. Retrieved July 8, 2017.
    ^ Jump up to: a b "Harden's career-high 56 lead Rockets past Jazz, 137-110". ESPN.com. November 5, 2017. Retrieved November 5, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden, Rockets get 90 in first half, beat Suns 142-116". ESPN.com. November 16, 2017. Retrieved November 16, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden Makes Rockets History - 1st Player to Score 20+ in First 20 Games". YouTube.com. November 28, 2017. Retrieved November 29, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden Sets Rockets Franchise Scoring Record with Electric Start to Season". bleacherreport.com. November 29, 2017. Retrieved November 29, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Harden Named Western Conference Player of the Month". NBA.com. December 1, 2017. Retrieved December 2, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden scores 48 points, Rockets win 9th in row". ESPN.com. December 9, 2017. Retrieved December 10, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Kuzma, Lakers overcome Harden's 51 to end Rockets' streak". ESPN.com. December 20, 2017. Retrieved December 20, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Career night by Rivers leads Clippers over Rockets 128-118". ESPN.com. December 22, 2017. Retrieved December 23, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "Paul helps Rockets to 148-142 win over Lakers in double OT". ESPN.com. December 31, 2017. Retrieved December 31, 2017.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden Injury Update". NBA.com. January 1, 2018. Retrieved January 1, 2018.
    Jump up ^ "Gordon scores 30 as Rockets beat Timberwolves 116-98". ESPN.com. January 18, 2018. Retrieved January 18, 2018.
    Jump up ^ "Davis, Cousins help Pelicans hold off Rockets". ESPN.com. January 26, 2018. Retrieved January 26, 2018.
    ^ Jump up to: a b "Harden has first 60-point triple-double in NBA history". ESPN.com. January 30, 2018. Retrieved January 30, 2018.
    Jump up ^ "Lakers Preview: 10 Things to Know About the Rockets". Nba.com. 2014-10-28. Retrieved 2017-06-28.
    Jump up ^ "The Future of Basketball Is Here, and It Looks a Lot Like James Harden". Grantland.com. January 7, 2015. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
    Jump up ^ Fansided (2013-12-21). "Houston Rockets: James Harden's Unstoppable Step-Back Jumper". Chatsports.com. Retrieved 2017-06-28.
    Jump up ^ "CourtVision: James Harden and the Amazing Technicolor Foul Shot". Grantland.com. January 7, 2015. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
    Jump up ^ Richman, Mike (March 10, 2015). "Trail Blazers prepare for Houston Rockets, 'crafty' attack of James Harden". OregonLive.com.
    Jump up ^ "Dwight Howard Injury Gives James Harden Chance to Swing NBA MVP Race". Bleacher Report. February 3, 2015. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
    Jump up ^ "Here Are 11 Minutes of James Harden Playing Terrible, Awful Defense". Bleacher Report. April 18, 2014. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
    Jump up ^ Winter, Jack (2014-08-04). "Report: James Harden's Defense Impressing With Team USA". Uproxx.com. Retrieved 2017-06-28.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden's Defense Keys Houston Rockets' Hot Start (No Really)". Bleacher Report. November 14, 2014. Retrieved March 14, 2015.
    Jump up ^ Feldman, Dan (March 9, 2017). "James Harden breaks single-season turnover record". nbcsports.com. Retrieved March 26, 2017.
    Jump up ^ James Harden [@JHarden13] (1 April 2013). "RT @JLIN7: "Death is swallowed up in victory" ... He is Risen! Happy Easter!!" (Tweet) – via Twitter.
    Jump up ^ James Harden [@JHarden13] (20 May 2012). "I thank GOD for everything!!!" (Tweet) – via Twitter.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden Wanted Time to Pray Before Leaving OKC".
    Jump up ^ Thamel, Pete (March 20, 2009). "James Harden's Style at Guard Masks His Ability at Arizona State". The New York Times. p. B13. Archived from the original on June 15, 2012.
    Jump up ^ Beck, Howard (May 27, 2012). "Standing Out and Blending In". The New York Times. p. SP7. Archived from the original on June 15, 2012.
    Jump up ^ Kerby, Trey (December 20, 2011). "Get your very own James Harden beard thanks to this t-shirt". TheScore.com. Score Media Inc. Archived from the original on June 15, 2012.
    Jump up ^ "James Harden Illustrated Project".
    Jump up ^ Rovell, Darren (August 3, 2015). "Adidas makes $200M bid to sign Rockets star James Harden". espn.go.com. ESPN. Retrieved August 4, 2015.
    External links
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  • 0

    James Harden dynamic duo with Chris Paul

  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

    New Card Type: Meteorite
    Color: Rainbow
    Overall: 100-120

    Do it 2k...

  • 0

    I’m a crazy huge harden fan, he’s my favorite player, but idk why tf 2k be givin him all those amazing dunk stats and tendencies when harden only dunked 24 times the entire season 16-17, and their all basic lame dunks with no defense. Lol

  • 0

    basically 2k16 98 Kobe

  • 0

    PD Moments cards look sexy

  • 0

    2k really don't care about myteam do they

  • 0

    94 Rebounding Really 2K?????

  • 0

    okay well... damn harden

  • 0

    Should have a 99 3pt

    -3

    yur estupido

    Show 3 replies...
    0

    GANG

    -2

    yur non estupido tbh

    -3

    deserves 99 defense

  • 0
  • 0

    What can't this card do

    0

    Can’t block

  • 0

    So there won't be any playoffs cards for harden unless they go above 100 in ratings

    2

    They can still give him more HOF badges, 99 3-pointer, up his speed with ball, contact dunk, and others I guess.

  • 0

    What is 2k going to do if he drops 80 points

  • 0

    *Curry drops 15 threes* well guys, this is the beggining of every stat 99 cards - Ronnie

  • 0

    YO IF ANYONE WANTS TO BE SHOWED UP AT 2K ADD ME @drewnover

  • 0

    HOLY GODDAMN SHIT THIS IS AMAZING.

  • 0

    There is NO LIMIT ON HOW MANY OF THESE ARE PULLABLE

  • 0

    This gonna be one of those See-It-N'-Quit cards.

    0

    you gonna quit alot now arent ya

  • 0

    this card or 99 barkley? op as shit tbh

  • 0

    Lol that defense is too high /s

    Nah but fr Harden is amazing, definitely MVP this year no one is even close

  • 0

    I have like 1000 my but I’ll still take any suggestions
    http://2kmtcentral.com/18/lineups/9686/current-lineup

  • 0

    His moustache is a 99.

  • 0

    they gotta drop a black diamond for his next moment lol 100 OVR

  • 0
  • 0

    He had an amazing night but a 98 steal tf 2k

  • 0

    i think he should be
    MVP

  • 0

    I thought they'll get him 98 diamond moments card because of PD moments is a nono as we know from 2k17 (especially Russell Westbrook), but 2k, congratulations for one of few good things in MyTeam this year.

  • 0

    This card is insane

  • 0

    40 intangibles you know what that means HIDDEN CANARY DIAMOND!!!!!

  • 0

    This James Harden card is already better than every other pink diamond attribute wise.

  • -1
  • -1

    Market Crash!!

  • -1

    Best SG in league by far. Offence still on point and defense has greatly improved. 4 steals and 1 block. MVP!

  • -1

    A damn OP card

  • -1

    [Deleted]

  • -1

    the picture gives me chills...

    0

    im frightened

  • -1

    [Deleted]

    1

    @cwaller2304 on insta watch the james harden video

  • -2

    will be better then Michael Jordan one day

  • -2

    Harden
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Not to be confused with Hardin (disambiguation)
    Harden is an English verb which describes two actions: to make something harder, or something is in the process of getting harder.

    It may also refer to:

    Contents [hide]
    1 People with the given name
    2 People with the surname
    3 Places
    4 Other
    5 See also
    People with the given name[edit]
    Harden M. McConnell, American chemist
    People with the surname[edit]
    Arthur Harden
    Duane Harden
    Frank Harden (born 1922), American radio announcer
    Henry Eric Harden
    James Harden (born 1989), American basketball player
    James Harden (disambiguation), several other people
    James Harden-Hickey
    John Harden (1871–1931), Irish Anglican bishop
    Marcia Gay Harden
    Maximilian Harden (1861–1927), a German journalist
    Rich Harden, Canadian baseball pitcher in MLB
    Thomas C. Harden (c.1856–1925), New York politician
    Places[edit]
    Harden, New South Wales, Australia
    Harden, South Yorkshire, England
    Harden, West Midlands, England
    Harden, West Yorkshire, England
    Other[edit]
    Harden's, a UK restaurant guide
    Walter Scott of Harden
    See also[edit]
    Hardening (disambiguation)
    Disambiguation icon This disambiguation page lists articles associated with the title Harden.
    If an internal link led you here, you may wish to change the link to point directly to the intended article.
    Categories: Disambiguation pagesPlace name disambiguation pagesDisambiguation pages with surname-holder lists
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    This page was last edited on 25 August 2017, at 02:13.
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  • -4

    this card shud have been a 98. Harden will most likely win MVP this year, which means he will need a 99.
    oh weeeel, two pds for harden then

  • -4

    13 is his number and the amount of times he'll be snubbed for MVP

  • -4

    Hello, everyone! This is one of the weirdest sites: or your money back! We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. E-mail us for questions, comments, complaints and information. Why not click on the Very Weird Stuff link to see more, or click on the music link? We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Cheese is not a wild thing!!!!!!!!! Now I have decided to go for a world record. I will try to make the longest web page ever, made completely out of text! Won't that be fun? I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste. Wow...I really must be bored. Just goes to show what boredom can do to you. Any way, that's it for now. Wait, no it isn't, I still have to keep going, and going, and going. Because I do. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. THAT IS ALL. SEEYA! Hi, I'm back. So far this is nowhere near the world record. I think. I don't exactly know where it is...oh, well. I'll just have to do the very best that I can. No one is really coming here, anyway. So it doesn't matter. By the way, TAB is a worthwhile, community-service organization. The form link is to a 100% fake TAB registration form that you can fill out just for laughs. I can't believe I'm bothering to do this. I have very low expectations of my site. None ever comes here, I could do this all day long and I still wouldn't have any more hits. This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. May your day be shiney! The following is an extremely weird poem-thingy that I wrote when I was in a relatively weird mood:
    never mind that noise my dear can anyone pass the cheese only if you say pretty please oh, boy do I have to sneeze. why must everyone always rhyme, why I’m a poet and don’t I know it? what I fear comes right after here not this life or the next will I ever be able to pass the test? we’re stuck in here, (alone my dear) and we’ll problem never get out so don’t start to shout. it’s dark and I want to go home is where the heart was where is it now? we’ll never know but oh crap it’s starting to snow and it’s time to show and tell about the well that you found last summer at camp when it was damp it was near the ramp oh god why must this be I liked that tree but now it’s gone, farewell so long I’ll miss you as long as you write but then I’m afraid to say good-night. my dear there’s nothing to fear that’s only a box that’s made of blocks next to the wagon that looks like a dragon why are you shaking it’s your fear that is making you shiver and act all a quiver. don’t you know that you only need be afraid of fear and never anything here and certainly not a post that acts like a ghost?
    See, very weird. At least it fills up my word quota for the day. Not that I exactly have a word quota for the day. It just sounded very professional to say it. Anyway, I still don't think that anyone is actually coming here. You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. After all, I've been to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website over 50 times. Pathetic. But, whatever. As long as I'm happy, right. Humor the crazy person, okay? Oh, guess what? According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! Next to the Really Big Button, of course. I feel special. Come on everyone, group hug. Okay, now I'm starting to scare myself...I'm gonna quit for today. Seeya. Now I'm back. Is this getting confusing to you? Too bad. Now I want you to go to http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=eon" If you do this I'll get points in the game. Come on all you non-existing people! Help me! You know you want to! It's a worthy cause! Honestly, the more time I waste playing the game, the less time I'll work on this site and the less stuff you gotta read. Although why you'd be here if you didn't want to read is beyond me. Maybe you're lost. Okay, if you want to get out, click the little refresh button, okay? Good...what? You say it didn't let you out? Oh, well. You must be caught in a time warp. Keep pressing it. Maybe you'll break free. What's that. The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? Never mind. That's just how many times you have to click before you can leave. Good-bye.

    Hey, I'm once again: back. I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named johnjones333@hotmail.com The Patron Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, flamingchickens333@hotmail.com Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why w

    1

    wot

    Show 4 replies...
    0

    If you read it all it would make sense

    -2

    just tell us wtf it is

    0

    Why would I tells you what it is, I already clearly wrote it down.

  • -5

    [Deleted]

    3

    Nah Westbrook won that

    Show 1 reply...
    -2

    [Deleted]

  • -7

    Best card in the game now! Beats Ray Allen by a lot!!

    -4

    lol hardbum sucks ass

    Show 2 replies...
    0

    It beats Ray Allen by badges and stats: HOF ankle breaker, has higher speed, has limitless range, good rebounding stats and has a higher dunk also has a 99 draw foul and layup so it's an automatic "if you don't make the shot you go to the line". Don't understand why I got so many dislikes can someone please explain? Also one thats not a troller.

    0

    Some people just started disliking it and everyone just jumped on the bandwagon, I didn't see anything wrong with it but I disliked it because everyone else did lol

  • -9

    LMAO HE'S TRASH CURRY SO MUCH BETTER #2018MVP WHO IS THIS SCRUB

    -4

    for one harden is one of the best players ever also he is better than curry where's curry's 99. also curry isn't the goat at shooting controversial i think he is but harden is on the best offensive team and a all star if anything you should be proud because he's on curry's team and you guy's are most likely going to win.

    Show 28 replies...
    -4

    NO CURRY IS THE BEST EVER HARDEN SUCKS. HARDBUM IS A STAT PADDER WHO CANT PLAY BASKETBALL. CURRY IS THE BEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME. HE ONLY DRAFTED HIM SO HE COULD ASSIST HARDEN AND MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF

    0

    no he drafted him because he knows he is a good player ask i am sure he would say that he is good.

    -3

    LOL CURRY IS A NICE GUY, HE WANTED TO MAKE HARDBUM FEEL BETTER ABOUT SUCKING AT BASKETBALL

    0

    if he sucks why does he have a 99

    -1

    BECAUSE 2K IS DUMB LOL

    0

    i think along with a bunch of other people think he is worth a 99 and other curry but i think harden deserves it more.

    0

    yeah i saw this card the second it came out and i was so happy

    -2

    why hardbum sucks

    0

    why

    0

    what do you mean why

    -1

    he cant do anything he cant play basketball CURRY IS GOAT 4LIFE

    0

    i never said that curry was bad?

    -1

    No you didn't. But Hardbum is bad

    0

    no he isn't 60 point triple double never seen curry do that

    -1

    LOL CAUSE THE GAME WAS RIGGED HAHAHA HARDBUM SUCKS ACCEPT IT

    0

    how

    -1

    cause he cant play basektball he suckks

    0

    that doesn't mean the was rigged if he sucks then he wouldn't have gotten the triple double

    -1

    lol it was rigged i gtg hardbum sucks curry goat haha goodbye

    0

    you just lost a argument over basketball to a 7th grader sad very sad

    -1

    LOL I DIDNT LOSE GO BACK TO PRESCOOL KID HARDBYM SUCKS CURRY GOAT #DUBSFORLIFE

    0

    I AM NOT A PRESCHOOLER your just mad because you know that it is true

    0

    that harden is better

    -1

    CURRY THE GOAT HARDBUM SUCKS WARRIORS FINALS CHAMPS END OF DISCUSSION

    0

    rockets warriors finals

    who ever wins there the better team (rockets)

    -1

    LOL DUMBASS THEY CANT PLAY IN THE FINALS SAME CONFERENCE GO BACK TO PRESCHOOL

    -1

    lol might as well be with ur basketball nowledge.. Sad

    -1

    lol hardbum is ass he don't deserve a 75

  • -10

    Like if you agree

    -3

    I agree that Curry is GOAT

    Show 4 replies...
    0

    Bandwagon

    0

    no i started liking them last year after they lost to the heat