Michael Jordan '96
Written by HolyParagon
I have spent the past two weeks without sleep. I spent so much money on VC to open packs I had to foreclose my house, I even bribed Ronnie2K for 17,000 dollars just to give me the final 200 cards I needed. This is the result of my hard work. An absolute and total scrub of a card. First of all his face looks like he's finally taking a dump after a week of being constipated, but no such relief is found with this card. I played with him for two games. It was the worst experience of my life
Bought for: Reward
- I'll give him credit. He seems to be generally aware that he's playing a game, not specifically basketball, but a certain game that requires running.
Oh boy where do I begin
- Rebounding: Oh my God he sucks. A 63 overall? Just save yourself the time and get Frank The Tank Kaminksy who has a 68.
- Blocks: JaKarr Sampson has a higher overall, this scrub only has a 50. Just don't even bother, just get JaKarr
- Strength: My grandmama could whip his ass. A 71? There are kids in their freshman year of high school lifting 300, and this man cant even do a God damn pull-up.
- Passing vision: Michael Jordan gets up in the morning and steps on his cat. Then he walks into a wall because apparently he has God damn cataracts. Muggsy Bogues who still asks his dad to put him on his shoulders to see the game, has better vision on a court.
Recommended Strategy: Quick sell
Use if: You want to gouge your eyeballs out (which you'll probably still have better vision than him)
Don't use if: You enjoy the sport of basketball
Bottom Line: Use him only if you enjoy masochism