Player Review

Michael Jordan '96

'96 Michael Jordan diamond card
99 Overall
  • 95 INS
  • 95 OUT
  • 88 PLY
  • 94 ATH
  • 99 DEF
  • 74 REB

Scrub

Written by HolyParagon

☆☆☆☆☆

I have spent the past two weeks without sleep. I spent so much money on VC to open packs I had to foreclose my house, I even bribed Ronnie2K for 17,000 dollars just to give me the final 200 cards I needed. This is the result of my hard work. An absolute and total scrub of a card. First of all his face looks like he's finally taking a dump after a week of being constipated, but no such relief is found with this card. I played with him for two games. It was the worst experience of my life

Bought for: Reward

Strengths:

  • I'll give him credit. He seems to be generally aware that he's playing a game, not specifically basketball, but a certain game that requires running.

Weaknesses:

Oh boy where do I begin

  • Rebounding: Oh my God he sucks. A 63 overall? Just save yourself the time and get Frank The Tank Kaminksy who has a 68.
  • Blocks: JaKarr Sampson has a higher overall, this scrub only has a 50. Just don't even bother, just get JaKarr
  • Strength: My grandmama could whip his ass. A 71? There are kids in their freshman year of high school lifting 300, and this man cant even do a God damn pull-up.
  • Passing vision: Michael Jordan gets up in the morning and steps on his cat. Then he walks into a wall because apparently he has God damn cataracts. Muggsy Bogues who still asks his dad to put him on his shoulders to see the game, has better vision on a court.

Recommended Strategy: Quick sell

Use if: You want to gouge your eyeballs out (which you'll probably still have better vision than him)

Don't use if: You enjoy the sport of basketball

Bottom Line: Use him only if you enjoy masochism

Comments Sort by