Written by oliverfox99
Sweet mother of demi-goddery I cannot believe my eyes. Welcome back to oliverfox99 rages about the demi-god meta through his reviews: "mediocre half-court player" edition. However, as much as it pains me to do this, I can't NOT give this card 5 stars. This card is kind of like the 2K version of if you gave a great white shark a machine gun. Its only weakness beforehand was that it didn't have a machine gun, but now it does. When Ben Simmons has an 88 three ball and catch and shoot, I really don't even see the point of trying anymore. Coupled with some of the glitchiest animations in the game, there isn't really much this card can't do. Shooting? Well, despite the fact that he has never, ever, ever, ever, (ever), made a 3 pointer in his ENTIRE CAREER, 2K decided to grant him the glory of an outside jumper. Passing? Yeah, his playmaking is 98 don't even worry. Rebounding? I swear his vert should be about 120. The best part about Ben Simmons is that 2k actively promotes his real-life cheese. Yeah, I get that he is a point guard, but it doesn't mean I have to accept it. Giannis is a point guard, but at least 2K PRETENDS life is fair and lists him as a small forward. With this card... shark with a machine gun. Un-fricken-stoppable. If you match up with him, make sure to put Opal Kendall Jenner on him and he will break down faster than Tyreke Evans on April 20th.
Acquired By: Selling my soul
- Literally everything else remotely basketball related
- Being 6'10"
- Being able to pull off more sleeves than an octopus in his grunge phase
- Kendall Jenner
- Ability to actually win playoff games
- Facial hair
- Turtleneck Sweaters (No hate, but it just doesn't work for him)
Recommended Strategy: Step 1: Place at point guard -- Step 2: Point movement stick vaguely towards the basket and hold the shot button until the little swosh near his head is basically full -- Step 3: Victory
Use if: You... are somehow able to get this card. At that point, why do you even still play 2K if you have that kind of MT?
Don't use if: You want to make it farther than the second round anytime soon, or if you would still like to somewhat enjoy playing this game and not have people rage quit at the first sign of the Machine-gunning shark.
Bottom Line: Shaq has made 1 whole three-pointer more than this man. 2K... the Sixers aren't as good as you'd like to pretend they are.